I could never think of a word to describe my life.  I didn't have to many trials but I had no triumphant moments either.  My family always was well off.  My mother and father both died.  I never moved away after they were gone.  I thought I might as well stay in the house I grew up in.

 I never knew that the neighbors didn’t like me until my parents passed.  Everyone had always been so nice but I figured out that it was all an act.

 I was the only child in my family because my mother wasn’t able to have more.  She had always been too embarassed to tell all of the snooty women so she blamed it on me.  She told them I was such a disaster and she couldn’t care for another.  So perhaps maybe even my own mother didn’t like me very much.

 Despite all the turned up noses life was splendid.  I just had no real purpose.  I spent my days reading my mothers journals and watching my fathers business become more succesful.  He had died but it was all run by other people anyway so the money kept flooding in the front door

 I had all the money I needed so I didn’t work and I didn’t have friends, so really what was I suppose to do?

 My parents death really didn’t affect me, perhaps because we lived in the same house but I was just like a toy to them.  I wasn’t born because my mother wanted a child to care for and love.  I was born because she wanted something to show off.  As if the elegant lifestyle wasn’t enough for her.  I can thank the stars that she wasn’t able to have more trophies like me.

I was sitting on the chair, covered in cream lace, reading the paper.  I had heard so much talk of the ship but it never seemed like something I needed to listen to.  The picture of the beautiful ship seemed to speak to me.  Her name was R.M.S Titanic.  I was already calling her my own and it scared me a little.  I was never going to see her.  I felt like I was in love with the most beautiful girl but I’d never actually be able to so much as brush shoulders with her.

I just imagined getting away from here and getting on the ship.  I could go to New York and find a new life their.  No one would know me and that would be like starting over.  I kept thinking and then I realized that instead of just boarding the ship I could get on and practically live their.  I could train and get a small job on the ship.  For a moment I thought I was a genious.  I would be on the maiden voyage and then I could do someting for myself for once.

There was no possible way I could ever get a job on the ship.  Life would be rough and it wasn’t what I was use to.  I wouldn’t have my comfortable bed and all the luxuries. That’s the only thing I’d ever known.  Leaving the life I had could either be saving me or dragging me down to a deeper level of hell.  My life wasn’t so bad.  No one liked me, no big deal.  I was wealthy and maybe someday I would end up with a beautiful wife and have children.  My father wasn’t always liked either but his life turned around, so maybe mine could too.  

I woke to the smell of smoke and it felt like the house was melting beneath me.  I was so tired and it sounded nice to just melt to the floor and sleep forever.  I didn’t wonder where the fire had started.  I couldn’t just let my self die without any struggle.  That wasn’t who I was.  I had let things slide in the past but my very own life wasn’t something I was going to let go that easily.

 I finally came to my senses and I jumped from my bed.  The fire was in the hall and I was going to have to run through it.  I thought for a momemt what I should grab.  Maybe my mothers old necklace or something valuable of my fathers.  There was nothing that I wanted.  The only thing I was going to take was myself.  I ran faster than I ever had.  Never in my life had I experienced that much pain.

I struggled to get out and my skin burned, it felt like I was a just a few feet away from the sun.  I got down the stairs and then burst out the front door.  The first thing I did was jump in the pond just outside my house.  My body was no longer lit but I still felt the sting.  My past was literally being destroyed.  The fire engulfed the horrible place.  The hot flames burned my face even though I was far away.  This is what was meant to happen.  I grabbed nothing because it was all meant to be left behind.  The night was dark and the fire was the deepest color of red I’d ever seen.  I watched it all go black and thought of the sea.  The cool blue ocean waves and the salty wind blowing through my singed hair. Having to work for something and experiencing something new.  I wished I could feel that freezing water as I watched the only thing I had get crushed.  I was going to get on that ship.

The neighbors came out and started to yell at me.  It was hard to hear over the noise of the fire engine.  I felt like someone cared for the first time that day but it didn’t last long.  Everyone shouldn’t have waited for something like this to happen to care.  I felt hot inside and out and the burns on my skin were bad.  The firemen sprayed my house.  I don’t know if it’s because I was dizzy and my mind wasn’t straight but, I saw the ocean waves crash into my house.  It was all burned to the ground and the neighbors cried because it made the place they lived less elegant.

 I was surrounded by people with a kind exterior but I knew exactly why they were actually showing emotion.  They were mad that I hadn’t tried to save anything and none of them wanted this to happen to their own castles.  I didn’t need to be surrounded by cold heartless people.

A fireman came to talk to me once the fire was out.  He showed me something in his hands.  It was my mothers necklace.  He asked why I hadn’t grabbed anything and I didn’t want to explain so I just said I didn’t have time.  He dropped it into my hand.  I didn’t really want it but I couldn’t throw it back now.  I slid it into my pocket and then forgot about it.

I spent time training to be a man on a ship.  Everyday got closer and I got so anxious.  The thing I’d been dreaming of was finally going to happen.  I had met some of the other men doing the same thing as me but I was hated here to.  They didn’t like the fact that I was going to be on lookout with no experience sailing before.  The captain was different though.  His name was Captain Edward Smith and he was a kind man.  He had experience with ships and sailing.  I looked up to him.   Even though I never actually talked to him yet he seemed like a kind of father that I never had.  I could just tell he wouldn’t hate me.  I wanted to show him that I could do everything I was expected to.  I knew that he had a family and he cared for others much more than himself.  I wanted to be like him.

The captain got on the Titanic around 7 A.M., the ship was going to leave from Southampton docks.  April 10th was the one day I remember not being able to stop smiling.  Some people have so many days like that they can’t even remember.  Usually people have had that experience when they’re in love or having a good time but I’d never experienced that before.  My jaw ached and I didn’t care one bit.  The first time I stepped on the ship I was different.  I knew that I was happy.  For the first time in my life people telling me what to do didn’t bother me.  I listened and did exactly what I was told.  Even though all of this was happening I still felt a pit in my stomach.  I felt like there were weights in my shoes and I was being drug around by someone.  I was mad at myself.  Even though this was the best moment in my life I couldn’t be completely satisfied.  I felt like I was slowly turning into my parents.  

I climbed and everything stopped around me.  It was just me and an empty world.  I could have solved all my problems while I made the journey.  It felt like weeks.  My hands trembled and my heart pounded at the speed of light.  When I finally made it to the top tears came from my eyes.  I could have added tons of water to the ocean.  I was a strong person and I had never felt the need to cry.  Not when my parents died and certainly not when my house burned down.  For some reason there was nothing I could do to stop it.  It was like the tears had been bottled all my life and the bottle finally shattered.  

I reached into my pocket and felt the necklace.  I didn’t take anything from the fire but her necklace was the only thing that wasn’t completely destroyed.  The stone felt smooth but when I looked at it I remembered that it was deformed and melted.  It was the only thing I had ever given to my mother to show her that I cared for her.  I made it when I was 12 and it wasn’t anything fancy.  It was just a white stone on a chain.  I never saw her wear it.  My eyes stopped overflowing.  I realized why I was crying and it wasn’t because of anything that happened previously in my life. It was because for the first time I felt free.  When I took out the necklace I felt the pit again.  There was one thing I still hadn’t left behind.  I threw the necklace down into the water and all my past was gone.

I met three people the next day.  The little girl was my favorite.  She was so sweet and when I looked into her eyes I couldn’t see how anyone couldn’t love a child.  Her hair was beautiful and it shined liked the sun.  It was blowing all over her face that day but she just laughed.  Her skin was fair and she had a soft looking face. She told me her name was Miss Annie Jessie Harper but I could call her Nan.  She was so innocent.  The two other people that were with the girl had kind faces too.  One was Nan’s aunt and the other, her father.  Jessie Lietch was a very kind woman and little Nan loved her.  At first I thought she was the mother because she acted like one.

 John Harper was the father’s name.  I learned that he was a baptist minister and that I should address him as Reverend.  They were from London and they were heading off to Chicago so Reverend Harper could go to some meetings at the church.  I could tell the man loved his daughter very much.  He spoke of how her mother died just after she was born and he wanted her to feel loved in everyway.  Aunt Jessie loved Nan with all her heart.  She whispered to me that she wanted to be like a mother to Nan.  The girl was only 6 and she had to get the attention that a child needs.

I immediately loved this family.  It was as if they were my own.  My own parents disgusted me.  How could they not love a child.  It was incredible.  I met this one and within a few minutes I already felt a deep love for her.  I took her to listen to the band on board the ship.  She twirled to the music and she would look up at me to make sure I was smiling.  I loved to see her happy.  It made me different.  Her eyes were so innocent and I remembered that I had never been as sweet as her.  Not even as a child.  Her big brown eyes looked up at me and I couldn’t help it.  I picked her up and spun her around in the air.  I danced with her in my arms for the next hour.  There wasn’t a minute that I got bored.  Nan had so much to say and her voice was so alive.  When the clock turned to eight I took her back.  I kissed he forehead and put her down.  She hugged me and said that was the most fun she had ever had.  Aunt Jessie tugged her dress and she finally let go of me.

Captain Smith ordered me to go on lookout by myself.  The other men were tired and he said I looked most lively.  I went up and I knew this was my chance to prove to the captain that I was a good lookout.  I watched but sleep filled my thoughts and my eyes finally got too heavy.  I was awoken by another man who came up.  He started to yell at me and I didn’t know what to do.  I was so embarassed and ashamed.  It was the most horrible mistake I could have possibly made.  I got down and went to apologize to the captain who was eating at a table in the dining saloon.  I was shaking but it had to be done.  The captain saw me and waved me over.  He said that he heard about my mistake and he had a story to tell me.  He told me how he had been in charge of a ship just the year before.  It collided with another and he felt the weight of that on himself.  He told me that I couldn’t give up justt because I messed up once.  

It was April 14th and the day had been beautiful.  Reverend John Harper and Aunt Jessie were watching the sun go down and I felt calm.  Nan was sound asleep.  It was my shift in the crows nest and I  climbed up.  The advice I received from the captain stuck in my head.  I knew that I had another chance to prove to the other crew members that I was cut out for this.  It was 10:00 and I wasn’t tired at all.  I was just a normal shift until 11:40 hit.

 I saw something coming out of the water.  It was an iceberg I rang the bell three times and telephoned the bridge.  I kept watching for a moment because it was strange.  It wasn’t there and then it appeared.  Something was glowing inside.  I was far away but it wasn’t right.  There was a creature inside.  Its eyes were glowing.  There was an arrow on it’s head.  It’s fists were together and it looked as if it were going to destroy something.  There were arrows on his hands going towards eachother.  I had never seen anything quite like this.  I felt uneasy and thought that maybe I was seeing things.  The last thing I wanted to do was screw up again.  If it really was an iceberg I didn’t know what I was going to do.  

I thought of Nan.  If something happened tonight I would take orders but the first thing I would do was find her and get her to safety.

For awhile everything was a blur, the captain ordered us to abondon the ship.  I looked frantically for Nan.  Her father finally brought her to me.  She had been sleeping and he ran to get her.  He handed her to me and she was wrapped in a blanket.  She woke up and her father said goodbye.  For the second time in my life I cried.  Nana looked at my face and wiped my tears.  I felt what it was like to love someone right there.

I looked for Aunt Jessie.  If I didn’t get them on the same boat then I would feel dead inside forever.  This little girl would feel abandoned just the way I had.  I didn’t care if in years from now she didn’t remember the man who got her on the lifeboat.  The only thing I cared about was getting her where she needed to be.  It felt hopeless but then I saw her.  She was there in boat 11.  I rushed her over and kissed her forhead.   I thanked Aunt Jessie and Nana for being so kind to me.  The last thing I said to the little girl was remember the music.  She started to hum and I left.

I was ordered to help load lifeboat 6.  I saw all the women and children.   Each of there faces were kind and I saw mothers cling to their children with tears running down there dirty faces.  I looked and saw the iceberg.  It was still glowing but what I saw before was gone.  I turned around and saw the boy with the arrow come to me.  He called himself the avatar and his name was Ang.  He said he controlled water, wind, earth and fire.  He said he was sorry and wanted to help in any way he could.  I wasn’t angry I was actually quite content.  I was filled with joy because I knew I wasn’t crazy.  The thing I saw inside the iceberg was real!  I jumped in the air and thought of what he could do.  The very thing that caused this disaster could save many people.  I asked him to keep the night calm and the water smooth.  I pointed to Nan and asked if he could especially keep an eye on that boat.  He promised he would and I thanked him.  

Even though I was saved that night I would have been perfectly content with death.  I found a reason that made my whole life worth living.  I hadn’t saved Nan, she saved me.  She loved me and I loved her.  That was all I needed.  Some may see me as a hero but I’m not.  I may have saved some lives and been the one who spotted the iceberg but that is nothing.  Being a hero is so much more than that.  I am so different now.  I was given a purpose and Nan is that purpose. When I heard the band play a last song as the ship sank I knew she would be alright.  I hoped she thought of the music.  I want to continue being a man of the sea but I don’t know where I will end up.  In my life I’ve had one family and they aren’t my relatives.  They are the only people in my life that have ever mattered and they are my reason to live.